North Korea should be a planet of its own. A land of enslaved people ruled by a mad dictator named Kim Jong-Un who's hair looks like a 90's teen actor. The following facts about N.K. may surprise, disgust and humor you but always remember that no matter how bad your day might be there are some who have it worse.
1) In Korea its not 2014, its technically the year 103 because that marks the birth of Kim Il-Sung. The supreme leader of the free world for all of eternity, which means he's by law still president even though hes been dead for two decades.
2) If you visit you're not allowed to leave the designated tour zones that restrict you to a bunch of propaganda that hides the crumbling economy. One lovely attraction is a mandatory celebration in honor of the almighty leader. Every role played in these giant parades are assigned to that person for a career.
3) Recently an election was held and there was only one candidate. Congratulations to Kim Jon-Un for that close win. This happens every 5 years and the outcome never changes because no one else is allowed to run.
4) They send entire families to labor camps, three generations in fact and it hurts me to say that this is absolutely true. When one is convicted not only are their kin sent to hard labor but their children and grandchildren have to be born and raised in camp as punishment.
5) Son of the great leader Kim Jong II claims to have scored 11 hole in ones on his first time golfing and a perfect 300 his first time bowling. If you're going to pointlessly lie, at least make it believable.
6) North Korean "researchers" claim that they're the second happiest country in the world. The first being China whom coincidentally are responsible for their economy not taking a complete nose dive.
7) N.K. has a space program (or lack thereof) ironically named NADA which seems to be a blatant rip-off of NASA. North Korea has failed numerous times to send satellites into space and their warheads would barely be able to hit South Korea. What's funny is NADA happens to mean "nothing" in Spanish which is exactly what their space program is.
8) They perform ridiculous executions for minor offences. Reports of people being publicly killed in a stadium for offences like reading a bible, watching porn or possession of South Korean movies. Reports also suggest that some brutal ways of carrying out these punishments include machine guns, mortars shells and even flamethrowers.
9) When Kim Jong-Il was in power sometime in the late 70's he became disheartened because no one loved his great country. His solution? Kidnapping a famous South Korean director named Shin Sang-Ok and his actress wife, then forcing them to create a terrible communist version of Godzilla. After they attempted to flea they placed them separately in solitary confinement. Finally years later they found out each other were alive after being taken to a dinner party. They forced Shin to start making films again but this time he took his wife and made a dramatic escape that involved a taxi chase. (they should of made a movie about that)
10) Propaganda is everywhere in N.K. and the problem is that everyone's forced to believe it. They have a distaste for the U.S. so they make it clear who the enemy is by brandishing large billboards and posters around town. Here's an example of a message that says "Do not forget the U.S. imperialist national wolves!"
So after all this if you feel like you want to visit North Korea chances are you need to seek professional help. Please North Korea keep staying classy and keep those lies coming!
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