Awkward situations are by far the worst and they're also inevitable. I hate awkward, even the word awkward is spelled...well awkwardly. At some point in your life you're going to encounter a scenario where you want to crawl into a hole and die from embarrassment. I have spent my life dealing with these situations and I've devised certain tactics in order to avoid looking like an idiot. Today I want to impart my wisdom on to you so that one day you can emerge victorious in a socially awkward spot.
Early Eye Contact
Have you ever been walking in the mall and see someone you don't necessarily hate but don't want to talk to at the same time? Your first reaction is to look down at your phone and pretend you're "busy" but then you accidentally look up and lock eyes? At this point you get the head nod and It's too late, you're up shits creek without a paddle my friend. Don't worry though, there's still hope. The difference between a simple walk-by "hey, c ya" and a 10 minute discussion about where you're working is all in the body language. Try walking upright and confidently increase your walking speed as if you're "late for a meeting". Most people will catch on to this hint and allow you to pass by but there's always those few who live to invade your personal space. If they decide to stop for conversation what you need are pre-loaded excuses. I have a stockpile of excuse ammunition ready in case i'm stuck in this scenario, If the person stops simply say "Hey! Good to see you, a wizard gave my cat leukemia so i'm rushing to find healing potions." Clearly don't use that but you get the point.
Three's a Party Until One Leaves
Everyone's been in this predicament. You're hanging out with your good friend who decided to bring a third buddy to tag along. The three of you are engaged in endless conversation and the vibes amazing (three best friends that anyone could have) then...it happens. Your friend decides to take a bathroom break leaving you alone with your new pal. Have you noticed that the conversation at this point goes from talk show to a complete, silent lull? You're both sitting there realizing you have nothing to talk about. The best play here may sound harsh but desperate times call for desperate measures. While you both may have nothing in common you can at least unite over a playful roast of the person who left you out to dry. Don't be harsh, be comical. Say something like "What do you think that assholes doing a number 1 or a 2?" Chances are the reply will be a similar jab and you both can spend the entire time sharing the intimate bonding experience of tearing apart your friend till he returns (Oh, hey you're back! That was fast).
Bailing in Public
Everybody falls, this is a natural part of life. Imagine taking a stroll downtown during the icy winter and you just so happen to hit that one patch of ice that sends you to an early demise. You now have an audience of gawking civilians kicking themselves for not having their camera phones out, so what do you do? Many of you will feel the urge to turn red as a stop light and flea the scene but the rule is if you look awkward chances are people will feel awkward for you. My advice is to stand up, dust yourself off, look one of the witnesses dead in their eye ball and make fun of yourself. Ask them "You're the judge today, how would you rate my fall out of 10?" Most likely they will say something like 8 out of 10 then reply "Oh...well I guess i'll try harder next time." At this point you will make that person smile while taking away from your clearly embarrassing moment and you'll both have a funny story to tell later on.
Waving to the Wrong Person
Whoops! This one hits close to home for me. I spent the better part of my life not realizing that I needed glasses, so I assumed the world was just one big blurry mess. There have been countless times I waved to a distorted blob with similar characteristics of someone I knew but then they emerged and it was a complete stranger. Usually at this point they look at me like i'm about to sexually assault them. Instead of apologizing and lowering your head in shame, just approach the person and ask any question. "What directions North?" at least they'll think you were flagging them down for a stupid question rather than just waving at them like a creep.
Failed Handshakes
Men suffer from this awkward position more than women. As a man we're expected to know a vast list of complicated handshakes ranging from the simple fist pound to a full blown choreographed interpretive dance. The worst part is, everyone's different! Have you ever met someone for the first time and you go in for the fist pound but they go in with the open hand thumb lock? It doesn't work and you're both left broken and lost. This can demolish your first impression especially if you're trying to act cool or something. I find the best way to deal is to once again address the elephant in the room. Say something like "Oh...you're one of those" poke fun at the situation to take a bit of the weirdness out. "I'm willing to try again if you are." By quickly drumming up a witty response will most likely recover what little dignity you have left and maybe salvage the first impression.
I hope with my past social failures I was able to provide some clear direction on what to do in times of peril. The best way to avoid feeling embarrassed is to act like it doesn't bother you and utilize comedy to change the dynamic of the situation. God speed to all you awkward people out there and remember there is a light at the end of every tunnel.
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