I Hate Guy Fieri

Growing up I cooked for some of the biggest restaurant chains in Canada. This has given me a hardcore passion for experimenting on new dishes to cook at home. Many of my ideas come from just having the Food Network on all the time at home as background noise while I do other things. I find the hosts of these cooking shows tend to have similar traits, they're mostly loud, energetic, charming and extremely knowledgeable on cuisines from around the world.  Then there is a little show called Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.

Diners, Drive-ins and Dives is a show about hole in the wall diners that serve up some of the best food in America. The concept is exciting and they do offer a great food porn experience but unfortunately the host makes me lose my appetite.

Guy Fieri is by far the lamest host known to man with his stuck in the 90's style. His hair screams early N'Sync but without the sex appeal of Justin Timberlake (hes more like Joey Fatone) and he wears shirts with flames on them. His loud, obnoxious catch phrases make me want to stick my head on a pan and grill my cheek medium-well. 

Why the hate? Well because I have no idea how he got on the show in the first place. Clearly he likes to eat as his protruding stomach indicates this but he has no concept of how to explain the deliciousness of the food to us viewers. Saying every burger you eat has "a smokiness mixed with the tanginess that's totally awesome" doesn't tell me shit. When ever the guest preparing the dish is explaining it he sits there looking at the food like a hungry fat kid undressing a twinkie with his mind. 

He also happens to think his little quips are the most edgy, coolest things ever said but he just comes off sounding like a total D-bag. One example is when he was at a restaurant and the man was preparing hamburger meat by putting it through a grinder his witty response was "It's like a giant play-doh machine in Flavortown." GOOD ONE! Now pass me the remote before I get cancer. You may not be convinced yet so let me list off some of the best nonsense that has come out of his mouth.

• "I want to be the ambassador to Chimichanga Flavortown" 
• "Dude! I have been stricken by chicken!"
• "This sauce is money"
• "Holy moly stromboli!"

What's worse is this poor representation of Americana owns his own restaurant called Guy's American Kitchen and Bar. Boy am I excited to never go there for his smoky and tangy cuisine. The New York Times recently went to his venue and gave it a whopping 1 star out of 5 stating "How did Rhode Island's supremely unhealthy and awesomely good fried calamari end up in your restaurant as a plate of pale unsalted squid rings next to a dish of sweet mayonnaise with a distant rumor of spice?" (Flavortown bitch!) 

I'm going to wrap this up because if I keep talking about this Ferris wheel carny I will probably commit suicide. If you do want to tune in to this show just do your best to focus on the images of food and try to drown out the annoying, cheesy one liners that come your way.